Filed under: art, books, comics, fake news, fashion, interviews, movies, music, news, reviews, technogeekery | Tags: Coachella, Coachella news, reviews
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Filed under: fake news, movies | Tags: Watchmen, Watchmen All Along the Watchtower, watchmen desolation row, watchmen sounds of silence, watchmen soundtrack, Watchmen The Times They Are A-Changin', Watchmen Zach Snyder
IMAGINARY MEETING BETWEEN DIRECTOR ZACK SNYDER AND THE AUTOMATED COMPUTER SOUNDTRACK MAKER PROGRAM DURING THE MAKING OF THE WATCHMEN MOVIE:
Computer, dial me up a song for the Vietnam scene in the Watchmen movie.
“The Ride of the Valkyries”.
Computer, I need a song for a funeral set in the 1960s.
“Sound of Silence”.
Computer, I need a climactic song for an overview of the city which thematically focuses on the doings of overseers.
“‘All Along The Watchtower’- Hendrix version.”
Computer, I need to show that we are in the 1970s for a 1976 urban riot scene and I don’t care if you choose the incorrect year.
“‘Boogie Man’ by KC and the Sunshine Band from 1977.”
Computer, throw me a Leonard Cohen song, would ya?
“Hallelujah”.
Computer, I need an opening credits song that conveys the passing of time.
“The Times They Are a-Changin’”.
Computer, I need a brand new song for the closing credits to sell albums.
“‘Desolation Row’ rendered by prerequisite bland modern rock band with emo overtones.”
-Robert Dayton (plans to dress as the Watchmen for Halloween.)
Filed under: fake news | Tags: Alexisonfire, City and Colour, Dallas Geen, emo, screamo, Waterloo-Mississuagua
Waterloo-Mississuagua, Ontario—At a packed Saturday night show at popular club the Annex, the City and Colour’s Dallas Green abruptly left the stage, after stopping mid-song to announce, “Hey, these songs are crap.”
Green, a popular Ontario musician not just for his sensitive acoustic songs he performs and records under the name City and Colour but also as a member of the popular “Screamo” outfit Alexisonfire, went on to say, “Hey, I just realized. All my songs sound the same, and none of them are any good. Maybe I should learn to write a hook before foisting my bullshit on naïve, eager young fans.” With that, Green put down his acoustic guitar, and left stage.
Audience members were stunned. “At first, I thought it was a joke,” says 16-year-old Tina Miller, from Waterloo. “Like, who does that?” Miller, who had been holding up a home-made sign saying “Waterloo-Mississuagua loves Dallas Green, said she didn’t come out to concerts much, but that this all-ages performance was special. “He’s, like, my all-time favourite,” said Miller. “He’s like sooooo sensitive.”
Other attendees were just as stunned. “I want my money back,” said Luke Sinclair, there that night with a bunch of friends from a local community college. “Although, if I play my cards right, I might still get to go home with one of these babes. Like, that one crying in the corner. Excuse me.”
Club manager Bill Reyes-Jones said that, in the five years he’s been managing the Annex, he’s never seen a performer walk offstage. “I’ll definitely think twice before booking any emo-type screamo sensitive types again,” said Reyes-Jones.
Green was not available for comment, but manager Trish Meyers said that the musician was simply suffering from “an aesthetic crisis.
“It’s not unheard of among artists of mediocre talent, who somehow have managed to connect with a young audience who come to believe their confessional ramblings set to dull lyrics as marks of great and profound depth,” said Meyers. “Don’t you worry, though. Once he wakes up and smells the balance sheet, he’ll be out there again, singing songs of lost love and sad-eyed emo boys chasing poetry-loving emo girls as though this incident had never happened.”
-Canadian Music News Webwire
