Sucker Punch on DVD and Blu-Ray

“Don’t fire until you see their ticket stubs, girls!”

Possible extras on the Sucker Punch Blu-ray?

Next week sees the release of Sucker Punch on DVD and Blu-Ray. You know what this means – a whole raft of extras designed to entice unsuspecting movie fans (i.e. people who didn’t see two-hour music video on the big screen) to shell out for a movie that will be lucky to earn back its estimated $90 million price tag.

I was lucky enough to see it for free and man, am I glad I didn’t pay for it. That said, I should add it’s not as bad as I had anticipated; but it’s not also bad enough to warrant so-bad-you-have-to-see-it tag. In fact, it’s resoundingly mediocre, though with just enough visual inventiveness and WTF? moments to hold one’s interest, at least for this viewer.

One of the scenes that “held this viewer’s interest”.

However, the idea of the a DVD/Blu-Ray release got me thinking about what kind of extras they could, but probably won’t, include. Herewith:

Zach Snyder on the Death of Storytelling – Director/co-screenwriter Snyder takes the viewer step-by-step through his method of writing the original screenplay, explaining creative decisions such as populating the script with bland, characterless stereotypes whom no one will remember five minutes after the movie. Also: Snyder explains his technique of draining any possible wit out of dialogue, particularly instances when characters are confronted with video-game monsters that warrant at least a dry response about how fucked-up this all is. Bonus: Snyder explains how he came up with the names “Baby Doll” and “Sweet Pea”.

The Madonna/Whore Complex – Special guest Camille Paglia‘s audio commentary explains the significance of female characters who occupy a mental asylum which becomes a bordello/dancehall which leads to a rich fantasy life where they have super-powers and defeat steam-powered Nazis.

Interview with film critic Bo Rapinski - As the only person to pick Sucker Punch as his favourite movie of 2010, blogger Bo Rapinsky (Ain’tIttheShit.com and Ilovetitties.org) has his work cut out for him. But Bo, taking a break from filling out accreditation forms to comic book conventions, was happy to explain why Sucker Punch is so “epic” and “awesome” in exchange for Jena Malone‘s phone number.

Character development is at the forefront in Zach Snyder’s Sucker Punch.

Dallas Green leaves stage, cites realizing songs are crap

City and Colour dude comes to realization too late

- Lester Blangs for Canadian Music News Webwire

Waterloo-Mississuagua, Ontario – At a packed Saturday night show at popular club the Annex, the City and Colour’s Dallas Green abruptly left the stage, after stopping mid-song to announce, “Hey, these songs are crap.”

Green, a popular Ontario musician not just for his sensitive acoustic songs he performs and records under the name City and Colour but also as a member of the popular “Screamo” outfit Alexisonfire, went on to say, “Hey, I just realized. All my songs sound the same, and none of them are any good. Maybe I should learn to write a hook before foisting my bullshit on naïve, eager young fans.” With that, Green put down his acoustic guitar, and left stage.

Audience members were stunned. “At first, I thought it was a joke,” says 16-year-old Tina Miller, from Waterloo. “Like, who does that?” Miller, who had been holding up a home-made sign saying “Waterloo-Mississuagua loves Dallas Green, said she didn’t come out to concerts much, but that this all-ages performance was special. “He’s, like, my all-time favourite,” said Miller. “He’s like sooooo sensitive.”

Other attendees were just as stunned. “I want my money back,” said Luke Sinclair, there that night with a bunch of friends from a local community college. “Although, if I play my cards right, I might still get to go home with one of these babes. Like, that one crying in the corner. Excuse me.”

Club manager Bill Reyes-Jones said that, in the five years he’s been managing the Annex, he’s never seen a performer walk offstage. “I’ll definitely think twice before booking any emo-type screamo sensitive types again,” said Reyes-Jones.

Green was not available for comment, but manager Trish Meyers said that the musician was simply suffering from “an aesthetic crisis.

“It’s not unheard of among artists of mediocre talent, who somehow have managed to connect with a young audience who come to believe their confessional ramblings set to dull lyrics as marks of great and profound depth,” said Meyers. “Don’t you worry, though. Once he wakes up and smells the balance sheet, he’ll be out there again, singing songs of lost love and sad-eyed emo boys chasing poetry-loving emo girls as though this incident had never happened.”